Over the course of the last year, my thoughts on gay marriage have evolved significantly. At first, I was against gay marriage because I believed the Bible created and defined marriage. A woman leaves her family and joins a man - right? Well... kinda. What this definition leaves out is that multiple women might leave their families and join a single man. What's more, once she was in a marriage a woman could offer her female servants to her husband as well. Both of these situations were common in scripture and even involved some of the key players in the genealogy of Christ. Then there was the tradition of marrying your brother's wife if he died without children. Yikes! What it all comes down to is procreation - passing down the family name. Fortunately for infertile couples this way of thinking no longer exists, as they wouldn't be allowed to marry if the sole purpose of marriage is to have children.

An option I thought of was just giving gay folks something like a marriage but call it by another name - maybe a civil union. Of course, they would need to be entitled to all the same benefits and responsibilities that come with marriage, and their union would need to be recognized worldwide. But if we're going to go to all the trouble to set in place an institution with all those elements, why not save ourselves the trouble and just call it what it is: marriage. Then it was brought to my attention how such a civil union would undermine marriage as we know it when straight couples would no longer need to get married to share the same benefits - what's to stop them from having civil unions, too? All the perks without the formality and no fear of divorce - just pack up your toys and go home when you're done with this relationship. Separate but equal doesn't work - just ask the black folks of Alabama in the 1950s.

After all this what are we left with? Let gay people get married. I read an article in Newsweek recently about a woman whose son is moving to Canada so that he can get married to his male partner. This story illustrates the real people who are affected by what's going on in our country's legislature.

All over the world, countries are recognizing gay marriage and de-stygmatizing a group that's had to hide in the shadows for years. Unfortunately, the US isn't ready to offer that. Instead, what we're seeing is:

"This country that he loves so much is saying more and more loudly, in state after state, that he (and all gay people) is not worthy of all the rights and privileges that heterosexual citizens assume.

"As of today, 26 states have passed constitutional amendments to deny my son his civil rights. Documents that were originally designed to protect citizens and guarantee them their rights are now being used to single out a small group of people and specifically deny them their rights. Passing these constitutional amendments precludes the courts from interpreting any federal or state laws to extend any recognition or benefits to same-sex couples. Discrimination is being codified into our most important governmental documents and we are allowing it to happen."

The response Ms. Chaffee's son has is to leave the country for Canada.

Maybe that's the point after all? Don't give gay people equal rights and they'll leave the country and we won't have to worry about them anymore. But what kind of message is this sending to the kids who are watching while dealing with their own issues of sexual identity? At one time it was illegal for interracial couples to marry but that's changed. It's only a matter of time before this, too, changes... but at what cost in the meantime? How many families will be broken and how many amazing citizens is this country prepared to lose?

I've thought more about this topic in the year since I wrote this and I think I'll add a post about that soon.  Until then, I'll consider a conversation I overheard tonight between a pastor and a Christian woman:  the topic was divorce - something they had both experienced personally.  They talked about how difficult the process had been - even harder than losing a spouse to death - and how it was something that had irrevocably changed the course of their lives and that of their families'.  They shared how the only thing that made the experience bearable was their faith and their relationship with Christ.

There was a time that to be divorced meant that you were set apart in the church and made to feel less than equal.  Eventually divorced people were allowed in, but there were rules about what participation and potential influence they would be allowed.  Today the church has come to recognize the value of these people and their experiences to the point that divorce is not something that can hold a person back from being all that Christ designed them to be within the Body.  It took awhile, but the church woke up where divorce is concerned.  The church is waking up again...

... I hope they're not too late.