Who You Callin' a Lady?
Last night I was in line at the snow cone place* with my new
friend Darreon when he was asked to move to the back of the line in favor of
the girls who were waiting behind him.
He acquiesced, but the rest of the night I was left with a bad taste in
my mouth about the unfair treatment he’d endured... and the fact that nobody
seemed to consider it unfair.
*It may have had a name, but I don't know what it was - I've never been there before and at $3.00 for a scoop of flavored ice, I may never be there again!
The whole notion of “ladies first” is as antiquated as
“clean plate club.” Both of these
ideas come from a time and place where they made sense based on the social
customs**, but the times have changed and these old ways of thinking are actually
more harmful than helpful.
**As near as I can tell, the clean plate club is a result of the Depression causing families to be careful of wasting anything - especially food. Ladies first goes back farther than that, to a time when women were considered to be the weaker sex and were unable to obtain rights for themselves... not quite the world we live in today...
The first and most obvious problem I see when we expect kids
to order themselves based on sex is that it causes kids to sexualize themselves and each other. Their place in line is determined by
whether they have a penis or a vagina – and even younger kids who may not be
aware of anatomy are left to gauge people based on appearance (hair length,
dress vs. pants, make up).
Good message to send... judge people based on their
appearance or anatomy and get them thinking about sex.
This leads into the idea that girls learn they have
value based on their sex. I realize there are a lot of things in the world today that contribute to this wrong message, but if a girl knows she can get to the front of the line simply because she’s
a girl, then she’d better make sure everyone else knows she’s a girl, too! This means she might need to wear
a little more make-up... or a little less clothing.
And what do you think the guys are learning? The same lesson: girls have value based on their sex.
Of course this also creates an even more insurmountable
problem for people whose sex is different than their gender. This is a group of people who are
trying to get away from being judged by appearances because appearances are
wrong – in their case they have the wrong body – but in a “ladies first” world they have to be clear about whether or not they're a lady and they’re left
to either submit to mistaken impressions or explain themselves to every person
they meet. Tough choice.
There's also the problem of cannibal encounters***, but I digress...
***Really!?! You don't remember Pamela Purse?
There is an easy solution, though.
Instead of carelessly dividing people based on things they
can’t control or expecting them to highlight aspects of their own sexuality, we could just learn to value all people based on their own intrinsic identity. If you’re fifth in line, be okay with being fifth in line –
regardless of who’s in front of you.
We can certainly model behaviors we want our kids to follow –
like allowing another person to step in line ahead of us – but those behaviors
need to be based on equality and fairness... not chauvinism and sexism.
You're awesome.
Reply to this